Episode 19: How do I heal from food insecurity in my early childhood years?

In this week’s episode, Jessica is discussing the question, “How do I heal my food insecurity from early childhood?” Food insecurity in early childhood can impact your relationship with food in adulthood. These effects can lead to restriction, hoarding food, anxiety around food, and bingeing. 

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TRIGGER WARNING 

Before I begin, I just want to add a trigger warning to this episode.  If you have suffered from food insecurity in our life, this may be a difficult episode, or it may shine some light for you.  I also mention the “o” word.  I have bleeped it out, but I use it to to explain some inappropriate concerns that people have about large bodies. 

Intro 

Welcome to the art and science of eating. I’m Jessica Begg, registered dietician and clinical counsellor. I worked for fifteen years in programs for the treatment of eating disorders. I now help those that struggle with emotional eating and their relationship with their body. This podcast is where I answer questions to help people along this bumpy journey to creating peace with both food and their body.  

Podcast

Question:

I have struggled with my weight since I can remember. A lot to do with some trauma (starvation before adoption) so my body’s reaction is to eat as much as possible because who know when the next meal is coming (so I was told by my adoptive parents). I have tried to control that, but the more that I restrict myself, the more I bounce back with binge eating.

I want to know if there’s a strategy to help me get passed this yo-yo effect and start dealing with this. I’m a 31 year old mother who would like to get a handle on this before it’s too late.

Thanks,

D

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Hi D 

Thank you so much for this question!!  

Your question hits on how food insecurity in early childhood can impact how your relationship with food in adulthood.  I’m going to first answer your question with the assumption that you have enough resources for food now.  And I’ll make a few assumptions through my explanation or rationale here to explain more what course of action I would suggest:

Firstly though, let’s talk about Food Insecurity.  Food insecurity what is described as “a state of being without reliable access to a sufficient quantity of affordable, nutritious food.”   

You, and many others experience and experienced food insecurity.  Stats Canada states that Canada 1 in 8 households are food insecure.  This translates to 4.4 million people or 1.2 million children are food insecure.  In the US it’s 13.7 million Americans or 10.5% of Americans are food insecure, and 6.5% of households with children are food insecure.  

There are lots of well researched and documented effects on the social, physical, emotional and psychological consequences of food insecurity.  Which I won’t go into here beyond the relationship with food and the body. 

But D, while you were removed from this state, upon adoption, this doesn’t mean that you do not carry the effects of this time forward.

Okay so now let’s walk through the restriction-binge cycle through the lens of food insecurity.  Typically people start at the restriction side of this cycle.  And for you it was because food was not readily available, or not consistently available, when you were very young.

This creates a physical and emotional trauma on the body and the brain.  The restriction of food makes one think about food all the time, there’s a drive to hoard food, increases depression and anxiety.  Physically the body starts slowing down to be able to maintain lower nutrition by slowing the heart rate, and cutting back on things it can like making new cells, more hormones, hair, skin and nails.  

The impacts of restriction are similar for those that dramatically cut their eating because of starting a fad diet or cut out large portions of foods or types of foods out of their diet.  Thus creating similar trauma on the body and the brain.

At some point, there’s a disruption in this restriction phase.  For you, it was when you began living with your adoptive family.  But the trauma of restriction does not just go away.  In starvation studies, where young adults were starved for 6 months and returned to their previous eating, they recounted that they had an “uncontrollable hunger” for 1-2 years afterwards.  This was just the physiological response to hunger, that instance does not include the psychological impact of food insecurity or hunger when it isn’t chosen versus when it was chosen as participation in a study.  

So uncontrolled eating, seems like a totally reasonable reaction to periods of restriction, right?  That if you lived in a petri dish, you would have learned that food is no longer scarce, you’d get comfortable and not feel the need to hoard or overeat?  To be able to relax now right?

Well no, not in our world.  In our world that is controlled by fear of fat, that childhood obesity is something that we need to sound alarms….we tell people that uncontrolled eating is bad, is slovenly, makes one lazy… 

you can’t peacefully just heal in reaction to that restriction….

So likely this was where concern came in.  I get that hint with how you say “when you try to control that”... I suspect that later on, you may have gotten scared of your periodic feeling out of control of your eating or binge eating.  Maybe you got worried that your body wasn’t doing what everyone else’s body was doing.  Maybe someone commented on the way you ate, or your body.  

Not knowing your history, I could also imagine that being an adopted child, there may or may not have been other layers of fitting in that could have contributed to thoughts of trying to make your body “fit”.  As we have all learned that fitting in” means being thinner.  Let alone some other possible early childhood traumas that could have made great impacts on you. 

So the likely effect is going around back to the restriction side of the restriction-binge cycle.  By “controlling” your eating, you in effect restricted yourself.  Now… in isolation this all could have been not too bad… how bad could it be to say no to something here and there… you see other people do it all the time!

NOOOOOOO…..

Okay so let’s pop out of this here for a second… let’s talk about this car accident I had recently.  I was trucking along ( well it wasn’t a truck actually I was driving a tiny Honda Civic) driving through an intersection and someone turned left in front of me, coming from the opposite direction.  I have never been in a real accident before.  I think of myself as a very good and confident driver.  I’ve had near misses, but have always been able to navigate out.  Confident.  

After the car accident, where I hurt myself, my neck and back (I’m fine now by the way), I didn’t want to drive for a couple of days.  And I ALWAYS drive, when its the choice between me or my husband driving (he’s terrible at driving).  And then when I did start driving again, I was super skittish.  I was tensing up driving through intersections.  I wasn’t going as fast as I normally would.  Months later I’m still way more vigilant than I used to be.  If I got into an accident now, I know I’d have a much higher reaction in a bunch of ways: I know my back and neck wouldn’t heal again as fast and secondly but more importantly, I’ve got now what’s called “kindling”.  You don’t need as big of an initial reaction to get my fire going bright and big.  That first accident made me more prone to that more stressed driving I have now.  That if I even got into one of those near misses I used to not even pay attention, I’d likely be back to not driving for a while.  

THIS is what happens when the restriction-binge cycle starts all over again.  The first time “primes you” or provides “kindling” so that even a bit of control, makes your brain FREAK OUT.  Because it got metaphorically burned once before.  So this seemingly innocuous “controlling your eating” later on, is actually SUPER TRAUMATIC.

So this is what we need to do D.  We need to teach your brain and your body that you’re not going to threaten it again.  So that it can learn that the environment is safe now.  That my slow and vigilant driving is somewhat protective… over time… as I maintain my ability to keep myself safe that I hopefully will feel stronger and more confident in the car over time.  AND should I get into an accident again, I will remember that I healed, that even when accidents or traumas happen again, we are safe again. 

How do we do that?  We don’t “control” your eating per se.  Now I’m not saying that you should binge your way to safety… as I know that uncontrolled eating, doesn’t actually feel safe or a mode of self care either.  But that you try to trust your body.  That when you’re hungry you eat…. Even if the hunger is unexpected… like “hmmm it’s 11:00, it’s not lunch time yet, but I’ll eat my lunch now… or I’ll get a small snack to tide me over until lunch time”.  Or if level of hunger is unexpected…. As in a similar example “Hmm I packed what I thought would be enough for lunch, but I’m still peckish… maybe I’ll go downstairs and grab a little extra something to fill me up”.  

Both of these examples are ways that I turned towards myself and used my hunger-fullness cues to guide me.  But also importantly gave yourself PERMISSION TO EAT. 

Okay now here is the key….  When you give yourself permission to eat… you can also give yourself permission to not eat.   

So by giving yourself permission TO eat, it allows you to also give yourself permission to not finish something… because you can eat any time you get hungry again.  You don’t need to fill up to over capacity because you don’t know when you will be able to eat again, or when you will give yourself permission to eat again.  Because you always can!

BUT BOTH HAVE TO GO IN CONJUNCTION.  

You can’t just always give yourself permission or celebrate when you didn’t finish something.  Giving permission for both hunger and fullness is important.

In order to do this you have to start thinking about two things: 1) making sure that you eat in a regular pattern so that you can start building bridges between your brain and your stomach/body to understand your hunger fullness cues.  You can’t just wing it.  You have to eat 3 MEALS, and liely 1-2 snacks.  MINIMUM 3 MEALS.   I think I should do an episode on that… so will do that for next week!

So anyway, you need to create some structure first.  Predictability is what creates a lovely top soil for the garden of hunger-fullness cues to grow! Predictability is what creates safety.  When we know that breakfast, lunch and dinner is coming at regular times, and in ENOUGH amounts, our system starts calming down. 

And second, reminding yourself that your body is good.  Your body has kept you going.  That you had a tough time when you were young.  That your body and you needs love and compassion.  When treat yourself and your body from a stance of care, all things start falling in line. 

Okay D.  I hope that answers your question.  Or at least gets you started on your journey.  As this is takes time.  It takes a lot of love, it takes a lot of time. 

If you have a question, please email it to me!  My email is support@shiftnutrition.com

Disclaimer

This podcast is for education and information purposes only. Please consult your own healthcare team to discuss what is right for you and your care.