Episode 13: I’ve given myself permission to eat, am overeating, now how do I learn to be intuitive with eating?

In this week’s episode, Jessica is discussing the question: “I’ve given myself permission to eat, am overeating, now how do I learn to be intuitive with eating?” There are so many messages and fears around this topic, but there is nothing more freeing than fully understanding how to listen to your body so that you don’t have to feel trapped. If you get hungry, you can always give yourself permission to eat!

Want to break the emotional eating cycle yourself?  Join Jessica in the Connected Eating Program.

Connect with Jessica on Instagram: @shiftnutritioncounselling

If you want to hear more “The Art & Science of Eating”, be sure to subscribe and tune in for new episodes!

Teaser

I am finding myself, like overeating and I know that I’m overeating and I want to get to a place  where I am eating intuitively and I’m not really sure what that means.

Intro

Welcome to the art and science of eating. I’m Jessica Begg, registered dietician and clinical counsellor. I worked for fifteen years in programs for treating eating disorders. I now help those that struggle with emotional eating and their relationship with their body. This podcast is where I answer questions to help people along with creating peace with both food and their body.

Connected Eating AD

This episode is brought to you by my new online group program, Connected Eating, where I help people who struggle with emotional eating from feeling out of control with food, feeling not alignment with how they want to care for their body, and spending all of their time worrying about it. That they’ve tried every diet and finally know that diets have claimed too much of their time but don’t know where to go next. This online group program has been built from my many years of helping people who have struggled with food, but now it’s not just me to help through this process but also with the support of all sorts of other people who are working towards the same goals. I have heard too many times that people think that they’re the only ones that feel this way. That they haven’t spoken with anyone with the way that they eat or the way that they feel with their body. So, I’m on a mission to create a community. You no longer need to feel alone, no longer feel ashamed thinking you’re the only one or that it’s just you. It’s not you. It’s how diet culture has impacted us all so similarly. So come and join us. Come and learn from both me and other people moving towards happy eating and being comfortable in their body. Follow the link in the show notes and I’ll see ya in there.

Podcast

“How are you? It’s been a long time.”

“I know. I haven’t talked to you since last summer, I think, which is surprising because it doesn’t feel that long ago. It’s like there’s this weird thing happening with time and space.

Hey, do you find that? Like time isn’t quite right right now?”

“Oh yeah. It’s fast and slow. Nothing is happening and everything is happening.”

“Oh gosh. Well thank you for coming on to do this podcast thing.”

“Sure! I love podcasts.”

“Sorry, I got your email and just got out of bed and I look terrible.”

“Oh no, that’s okay. Podcasting is audio only.

I was excited to hear you’re doing a podcast because I love podcasts.”

“Oh, you do? So yeah, tell me — what’s your question?”

“Okay yeah, so the last time we spoke, over a year ago or maybe just under a year ago, you said something that was really groundbreaking, even though it was so simple. You said, ‘You have unconditional permission to eat.’

And it’s crazy because it really blew my mind. It took me a long time to wrap my head around it.

So over this past year, I’ve just been thinking about that and letting it sink in. It took a long time to really believe it because I would start layering over all these sub-thoughts like, ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have that,’ or ‘Maybe I should stop eating now so I can eat later,’ whatever it is.

So I’ve started weaving ‘you have unconditional permission to eat’ into the automatic thoughts I get from my diet brain, I guess.”

“Yeah, so you’re using that as a counterbalance to what you’re hearing because there’s so much fear around being hungry.

There are so many messages telling us to try to fill up so we can push hunger off, or drink water, or distract ourselves from being hungry.”

“Yeah, absolutely.

So my question really is: now that I’m really believing that, and knowing it to be true that I have permission to eat, I’m finding myself overeating. I know that I’m overeating, and I want to get to a place where I’m eating intuitively.

But I’m not really sure what that means. I don’t know how to move to that next step.”

“Hmm, yeah. So that’s your question?”

“That’s my question.”

“That is such a good one because the path that you’ve come down is the path.

You have to give yourself permission to eat, and then it’s almost like your brain says, ‘Oh gosh, I need to gather all of this.’

It’s just like any kind of scarcity. When we’ve been deprived and suddenly given access to something again, we tend to take all of it because we’re preparing for the next famine, basically.

Your brain and body still aren’t necessarily 100% confident that you won’t slip back into dieting again, which is another really common part of the process. People often ebb and flow with it.

So it makes sense that your body isn’t fully convinced that you’re safe yet.

There’s often this period of time where people give themselves permission to eat and they overeat for a while. To me, what that means is that your body is trying to overcome the trauma of dieting.

It’s coming out of scarcity and asking, ‘How do I feel safe again?’

So if you keep reinforcing that not only do you have unconditional permission to eat, but you also have unconditional permission to eat whenever you get unexpectedly hungry — and to respond quickly to that hunger — then eventually your body starts to trust that food is actually available.

Then it allows you the freedom to start playing around with fullness.”

“So fullness can kind of expand over a few points.

Let’s say you used a four- or five-point scale around fullness. It might be interesting for you to allow yourself an experimental period where you simply explore what different levels of fullness feel like.

And even as I say this, I want to be really clear: this is not a tool for restriction.

Because sometimes people hear ‘fullness’ and immediately think, ‘If I feel even slightly full, I have to stop eating and shut everything down.’ That’s not the case.

There should be a level of satisfaction when we finish eating, and that satisfaction can change from meal to meal and day to day.

So the experiment would be to continue eating the way you’ve been eating, but start noticing where you are in terms of fullness.

What does overfull feel like? What are the body sensations? Can you give it a number? Can you describe what’s happening physically?

And then maybe asking yourself: ‘Okay, if this level of fullness isn’t working for me anymore, what happens if I stop somewhere else on the scale?’

You might stop at a point where you feel somewhat satisfied and ask yourself: ‘What sensations am I noticing in my body that make me think this could be enough?’

You’re not going to fully trust this yet, and that’s okay. That’s why we need what I call the ‘catch net.’

The catch net is knowing: if I get hungry again, I’m allowed to eat again.

So you can say, ‘Okay, I’m going to stop here and see how it feels. And if I’m hungry sooner than expected, or hungrier at my next meal, that’s okay too.’

You’re just experimenting.

Maybe you stop eating and realize ten minutes later you’re hungry again. Or half an hour later you’re intensely hungry. Or maybe an hour later it’s snack time and you realize you undershot it.

That’s okay. Then you adjust. You have a larger snack and move on.

The point is that you begin expanding your understanding of fullness and learning that you can trust yourself at different levels — because right now it sounds like you feel you have to eat to the absolute maximum because you don’t yet trust that you’ll give yourself food again later if you’re hungry.

It’s kind of like putting your toe out and testing the ground: ‘Is it safe here? What about here?’”

“Yeah.

You mentioned the different body sensations at different levels of fullness. I’m not really sure I know what they are beyond the feeling of, ‘Okay, I feel sick because I ate too much.’

A lot of the sensations feel more mental, maybe? Like, ‘You should stop eating now because this seems like a normal-sized meal, so this should be when you’re full.’

Maybe this is where the ten-point scale comes in? But I don’t really know how to separate those mental thoughts — which I’m pretty sure are my diet brain talking — from actual body sensations.”

“Yeah, that’s such a good point.

There’s actually a lot written about how people who have struggled with food can have difficulty sensing things in their body because of the trauma effects of dieting or other trauma histories.

So it could genuinely be more difficult for you to feel fullness clearly.

But I think the hopeful thing is that you are noticing something — it just sounds like those sensations are getting overridden by diet culture thoughts that make you question yourself.

And honestly, some of fullness is cognitive. We all use a little bit of our brain to estimate what feels like enough food generally.

But I think as you keep playing around with permission to eat — as much or as little as you need — you’ll start clearing the air enough to hear your body more clearly.”

“It just feels like logically I’ve absorbed so much of this stuff. Like the permission to eat and that there’s no bad food — I understand all of that intellectually.

But I’m still having a really hard time actually believing that this is just the weight I’m meant to be. That I don’t need green smoothies and kale salads all the time.

So do you think that’s the driver underneath all of this?”

“So there’s still this ‘should’ in your thought process. Like, ‘I shouldn’t be at this weight,’ or ‘I should be eating differently.’ Is that interfering?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“It’s a hard one to give up because it’s everywhere around us. You’re getting constant messages.”

“Definitely. Even within my close friend group, people are constantly talking about what they’re eating, what weight they gained or lost during quarantine, and what they’re doing about it. It’s just a huge topic of conversation.”

“Have you considered talking to them about how that isn’t helpful for you — or honestly maybe even for them?

Sometimes those conversations actually create relief for everybody.”

“Yeah, I’ve tried to gently mention it, especially with the people who I think are open to hearing it.

But there are definitely some people who are like, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m just being healthy over here. Why are you telling me to eat?’ or whatever.

And honestly, I was definitely that person a few years ago. If someone had tried to introduce this to me back then, I would not have been ready to hear it because I just wanted to be thin.”

“Mhm, yeah. So you’ve kind of put people into two categories: people who are receptive and people who aren’t.”

“Yeah.”

“So maybe part of you is still on the fence too?”

“Well definitely.

If family members or friends are constantly emphasizing bodies and judging other people’s appearances, how do I stop assuming they’re making those same judgments about me?

How do I just become okay with that? Because ultimately it’s none of my business what they think.”

“Yeah. It’s hard because those comments are often really hurtful.

What you’re really describing is: how do we create safety in a very unsafe world?

And I think that’s exactly why you’re trying to build confidence in yourself and in what you’re doing.

Because the stronger and more grounded you become in, ‘I know I’m doing a good job,’ the less permeable you become to all those outside messages.

It’s similar to confidence in any other area of life. Once you really trust yourself, other people’s opinions don’t get in as deeply.

People say all kinds of things to me about food and dieting, trying to convince me otherwise, and I can just say, ‘No, that doesn’t fit for me.’

And that’s what we need to cultivate in you too: confidence that your body knows what it needs.”

“Right. I definitely don’t have that confidence yet. I’m still questioning whether what I’m doing is intuitive eating or whether I’m doing it wrong.”

“Well, you could slow it way down.

Maybe even choose one meal a day that feels quieter and safer and just play around with it.

I’ll often encourage people to pause midway through a meal and check in: ‘How am I feeling? What sensations are changing?’

Not because you need to control anything, but because we’re just gathering information.

You’re not using the information as a threat or a rule — you’re simply cultivating awareness.

And honestly, right now? You’re doing fine.

You’re here. You’re alive. You’re healthy. You’re talking to me.

Your body is giving you signals because at some point you do stop eating. Something in you says, ‘Okay, that’s enough.’

So we just need to get curious about where those stopping points are coming from.”

“Okay, yeah.

I just wonder whether the things telling me to stop are the right things, or whether fat phobia is still seeping in.”

“Yeah, and that’s where we start putting things into buckets.

Like: ‘This thought isn’t actually mine.’

And then really focusing on body sensations.

Because again, you can play around with it. You are stopping at some point, so let’s just explore it.

And honestly, I think it’s really hopeful that you can already differentiate between your own thoughts and the influence of diet culture.

The fact that you can say, ‘I’m not sure if this is mine or someone else’s,’ is huge. That means you’re examining these thoughts with new eyes instead of just being overwhelmed by them.”

“Yeah. Maybe that’s true.

If I can recognize that some of it is fat phobia seeping in, then maybe I can start setting it aside while I’m eating.”

“Totally. Just give it a label.

Sometimes people know exactly where a thought came from. Like, ‘Oh, that’s so-and-so’s voice.’

Or maybe it’s just, ‘These are diet culture thoughts. These are things I once believed were helpful, but they aren’t helpful anymore.’

Some people even use colours: green thoughts, red thoughts. Whatever helps you separate them.”

“Okay, cool. I’ll try that.”

“Yeah, and be gentle with yourself because this stuff is really subtle.

Fullness cues are subtle. Honestly, I think hunger cues are even subtler sometimes.

Fullness is really about learning to trust your body — and you don’t trust it fully yet. And that’s okay. You’re just building trust.”

“Okay, cool.”

“Yeah. Great question, Sarah.”

“Thank you. It’s so nice to talk to you. I always get good insight every time we talk.”

“Aww, thanks Sarah. Thanks for showing up for yourself too. You’ve always worked really hard, and I’m happy to hear you’re doing well.”

“It’s important to me. And honestly, I think the COVID pandemic actually gave me space to think about this stuff more instead of just constantly running on the wheel.”

“Yeah, that’s a really good point. There have been some silver linings.

It’s been really hard, but there have also been these little spaces where people could finally stop and reflect.”

“Definitely. Hopefully we’re out of this soon.”

“I hope so.”

“I actually booked my vaccine appointment this morning, so I’m really excited.”

“Oh good! Hurrah!”

“Well thanks so much, Sarah. Are you in my little Facebook group?”

“I am.”

“You are? Okay good — well I’ll see you in there too.”

“Thanks, have a good day.”

“Thank you, you too!”

“Okay, bye.”

Disclaimer

This podcast is for education and information purposes only. Please consult your own healthcare team for what is right for you and your care.